Mistakes Make Stories with Cat Coley

Welcome to the Business Psychic Podcast, the show that helps you ignite your soul’s purpose, turn up your creativity and activate sales and marketing magic. I’m your host, amber Annette, and I’m thrilled to be here with you today to explore the depth of what it means to be a woman in business. I believe that business is more than just making money. It’s about making a difference and making your mark. So sit back, get present and let’s dive in and uncover the secrets to building a business with soul, purpose and magic. Welcome back to another episode of the Business Psychic. I’m Amber Annette, your host, and I am so beyond thrilled and honored to present the guest that I have for you today, cap Eau. She helps women business owners who are ready to use the power of their stories to make a difference and leave an impact. As a storyteller, catalyst and transformation consultant, she is committed to helping her clients uncover the unique narratives that will propel their life and business forward. Cat has an innate passion for helping us own our stories and stand in our truths. From experiencing her own fall from grace. I have Cat here with me and her story. You are going to be blown away by what she has experienced, what she has learned and now what she teaches and coaches and helps women in business with Cat. I am freaking jazzed that you are here, like our first connection we met, I don’t know, maybe a month ago or so you did a complimentary session with me and I was like, okay, first of all, I think I might want to work with you and then, second of all, you have to come on my podcast because it takes a lot to like. First and foremost, it takes a lot to get me to be quiet number one and I remember sitting there like mouth probably half open, speechless, listening to your story. Ah, I’m so excited you’re here for this.

Cat Coley: 2:15

I am too. I am too. I thank you for having me. Yes, it was one of those kiss-matt moment, I think, where we met and I was just telling Amber that I don’t even know how I happened upon listening to her on her podcast, but I was like who is she? What is going on? And I like dove deep, I did all the things. Like I was like, yes, get me on the newsletter. Yes, get me on the call. Yes, I was like I’m there, but it happened so quickly and I was so excited to speak with you for the. I think we had like a 15 minute call I think that’s what you’re thinking and I think it was 45 minutes later and we were like, oh, my God, this is. You know, we’ve gone away over, but we had so much to talk about and just the connection was just there. And thus here we are. So I am just as excited and thrilled to be here because, you know, when I first heard you, I was so intrigued by what you do. I like, I was so intrigued by what you do and dove straight in. Like I said, I was like sign me up wherever you have.

Amber Annette: 3:22

I just like sign up. I hope everybody feels that way and has that experience. Thank you.

Cat Coley: 3:27

Yeah, I can imagine that they do.

Amber Annette: 3:30

Well, I want I don’t even know like how to invite you to start telling your story, but since you are, like, the expert of storytelling, I’m going to let you just start to you know, share with our audience how you have reached the point that you have reached, because when I tell you, like when I heard you tell it the first time, I can’t wait to hear you tell it again and I can’t wait for, like, the inspiration that comes from it. It’s just so. I’ll let you kind of start with how you got to this point where you are now.

Cat Coley: 4:05

Okay, so just you know, obviously I need to give you the context in the background of what we do, of what I do. So I am a business storyteller, coach and transformation coach. I always say this job chose me before it versus me choosing it. I love that. And so what happened was I spent many, many moons 20 plus years in the corporate world, coming up from a very, very young age. I started and worked my way up this corporate ladder. I had a very, very intense job from a very young age lots and lots of responsibility, all the things, and I really thought that was going to be the you know the direction I was going to go. That being said, I was harboring a pretty big secret that would derail me from my corporate world, my corporate ladder. And again, you know, I try not to keep anyone in suspense because I don’t share it to you know, for the shock and awe of it, but just to tell you just the journey of how I got here. So, very early in my career, I made some really, really terrible, terrible decisions. It made some really bad mistakes that just kind of compounded because that’s what happens when you do, you know, make mistakes like this. So I was embezzling money from the company that I worked for and it was a huge corporation, let me just put it that way but I hid the secret for a very, very long time and I thought I was saying, oh, I’m going to be a big hit, I’m going to be the only person that knew about it. It turns out I wasn’t the person who I thought, who worked in a different location, a different department than I did, figured out what I was doing. She was actually an accounting and figured out what I was doing. And from the very onset and I again was young, did not, regardless of how old I was I knew right from wrong. And there was a fork in the road and I chose the wrong side of the fork. But unfortunately that decision led to bigger decisions and it started to become one of those you know, robbing Peter to pay Paul situation and it lasted for a very long time and it was very guilt-ridden. But I was also working my way up in this company, which was a kind of a terrible thing because I worked really, really hard. But I had this huge secret. And when I say it took a long time to get here, it took many, many years to get here and up to the point where I am the associate director of this huge corporation there’s 70, 80,000 employees in all and the person that initially found out about what I was doing I had hired as, initially as my assistant, and then she grew with me in my department. And unbeknownst to me, she was doing the same thing. I don’t know if we talked about this in what you said no. I didn’t dive into this. I told you there was a lot of bits and parts, so I’m been a sweet the plot thickens. And it plot thickens, I’m been noticing she was doing the same exact thing To my I had no idea, but at a much bigger scale. So she was being investigated at the end because it was just there, was things were just going, you know, wrong. And they brought me in because I was her direct supervisor, I was the associate director, so I was right about her. So they bring me into this office and I’m like okay, this is it, like I am. You know, when you’re guilty of something like this, every phone call like the vice president would call, accounting would call, and I was like this is it? They found out I’m dead and so they brought me in, they bring me into this room and there’s piles and piles of folders. I’m like this is it? And then they’re like okay, we have a situation and we need your help. I’m like, okay, maybe it’s not about me. And they start to discuss what’s going on. They’ve had some complaints and they started looking into it and it’s gotten bigger and bigger. And because I was her direct supervisor, they needed some help and so I had to suspend her pending an investigation. And this investigation went on for a couple of weeks. Well, I was freaking out, as you can imagine, because I was like, do I say something? Do I do? I was so scared, as you know, and I think anyone would be in my position, and I stayed quiet. But I figured it was just going to be inevitable that they look into one, they will look into all. So what I didn’t realize was that while I was trying to get in contact with her and she wasn’t answering my phone calls, she’d gone around me and said yeah, I’ll come in, but I have something to share with you. What I didn’t know was she had put all the information she had from the original time, from the first time she started to figure out what I had done many moons ago, and put that in her back pocket and brought that out. So the investigation then turned on me. So they took me off, did they just said we’re just going to continue investigating and we’ll give you an update again. Not me knowing that they have started an army.

Amber Annette: 9:20

Now they’ve started investigating you.

Cat Coley: 9:23

Yes.

Amber Annette: 9:23

Oh my gosh.

Cat Coley: 9:24

So a couple of weeks later they’re like this is the reason why, when you know what they say, don’t go into HR at four o’clock in the afternoon on a Friday.

Amber Annette: 9:32

Oh yeah, this is that reason.

Cat Coley: 9:33

That was me, so they call me and they said come on in. We’re going to update you on what’s happening. I was like, okay, still, of course, nervous, because at this point, those couple of weeks, or however long it took to get there, I was going. Do I say something, do I not? I’m sure they’re just like I was, pinned the needles. And so I walk into HR and I remember this till this day and every time I talk about it I remember him. There was a gentleman, when I first walked in that had never been in any of the meetings that I had been part of and he was just in the corner. I thought I’d be the first one there, but he was, and he was in the corner and he had his head down. He just had a notepad and a pen and he didn’t even he looked up. When I first walked in and look back down and I said hello, he said nothing and in my head I was like, well, that’s curious, I’ve never seen him before. And then my heart started to beat. From that point I was like, okay, little feels a little bit different than everyone started to walk in. I’m saying hi, and no one’s kind of looking me in the eye, no one’s making eye contact, for obvious reasons, and then they sit down and then they said we’ll update you on that situation, but we’ve got a couple of questions for you. And I was like okay. And then they push a folder open and they said, can you tell us about this? And I look and I mean I was done, I was done, I just knew. And I was like, yeah, I was there for four hours. I first denied it, because that’s what you do when you’re found guilty and you’re in shock. And then, for the first and then it was our vice president. There was a whole thing. He had to get up and speak to the president of the company and it just so I was suspended pending an investigation. So the tables had turned. Something that was to happen a couple of weeks ago was now happening to me, and the whole world just literally fell apart that moment. My partner at the time I had no idea, no one, and I thought I was the only person that knew this no one had any idea. So I had to go home and tell him bits of this, because I couldn’t even divulge all of it. It was just too much at the time. So I told him as little as I could, just to kind of get it, to give him some information as to where I had been, because I was gone for four hours. They took my phone, they took everything, so I had no way to contact anybody and then that was when kind of the nightmare began. So I was let go, obviously, and then they told me, you know, it’d be in my best interest to hire a lawyer. So I went and hired a lawyer and I was recommended to one and this is the other part that again the parts of my story gets really, really interesting. So I hired a lawyer, the best lawyer that I could afford but would still be a pretty prominent lawyer. And then it’s a very small town where I live. It’s a big town but it’s a very small community with what I do for work, and everyone knew, like the whole everyone knew. So I couldn’t find a job. I was trying to find something to do, a different job, but I couldn’t because once the law got out, it got out. So my partner and I had an opportunity to move to Southern California. I thought it was just the new start while this whole thing was pending, but it really was, just guys running away. And so we moved and I, we started a whole new life in Southern California and we told nobody what was happening and I just went back and forth to do court proceedings. So I pled guilty and all these things. Three years had gone by between the time it happened. So it was almost like the 11th hour and they filed the motion to go to court to sue me and I went back and forth, like I said, between that time I got married, I started a new job, I was flourishing in my new job and I was the exact time to go to marketing for this wonderful, wonderful company. I got married, I had a baby and then I went in for sentencing. So this part I don’t share with a lot of people because it’s part of it, but it gets a little too deep. But I think you should know that the person that I hired in those three years was now the attorney, the district attorney for the city. So in the span of three years, from the time I hired him until the time I was prosecuted, he became my lawyer, then into the person, the office that prosecuted me. So it’s so uncanny. I have two letters from him, one that says I am going to be your lawyer, I’ll be representing you, and then, a couple of years later, it’s his letter hat that says my office is will be prosecuting you for.

Amber Annette: 14:51

How is that not a conflict of interest?

Cat Coley: 14:54

It was a huge conflict, so I was handed off to somebody else in his office his old office so he can no longer practice, of course. But there is obviously client lawyer confidentiality and there was a huge conflict of interest because I divulged everything, of course, and so I went into sentencing. But through this process, they ask, they do an investigation, and then they say OK, well, based on your lack of criminal history, what kind of crime this was? This is considered a white collar crime. We suggest probation five years, but probation nonetheless. And they were like perfect, that’s what will. That’s wonderful, we’ll take that suggestion. Usually the judge listens to whatever is suggested, because they’ve done their due diligence.

Amber Annette: 15:52

I know it’s coming and I’m already holding my breath for this, so I walk into sentencing.

Cat Coley: 15:57

I was so confident. I was feeling I was scared, but I was so confident. The lawyer was like, this is exactly what we need. I also remember my lawyer walking into the courtroom with me and I was the only person there because I didn’t want anyone there. My family was like, should we go? And my sister and my brother, well, I’m like, no, I’ll go, I’ll just get this over with and we’ll just, we’ll just move on with our lives. And so I drove from California into Nevada just so you know that’s where it was at the state and stayed at my sister’s and woke up the next day, my court date. My time was eight o’clock. I’m in line. Here’s the funny part. So I’m walking into the court and I hadn’t seen some of the people that I worked with in a very long time, and so some people looked familiar, but I didn’t know. Like you know, when you see somebody and you’re like, I know you, but I don’t exactly know where I know you from, and I just couldn’t picture that first, for it’s been three years, so I didn’t realize that I was like behind the people that I had worked previously from. They were all there to you know, come watch me and you know, against my probation sentence. And I was smiling because I was like, I was just like, hi, you know, I was just like, you know, friendly. And they were probably like and then, as I, when I walk into court and I see them on the other side, I was like, oh okay. I know where they I was like that’s who they are. Okay, I’m like smiling at them, Like I have no, like no, no, no regrets or anything. And so so come sentencing. So I walk into the courtroom, I look over at my lawyer and he was like we’ve got this. I know you’re scared. He’s like if you don’t get probation, I will stop practicing law tomorrow. And I was like, well, that’s pretty confident. I love that confidence. So we walk in my, you know, my, my case gets called and we go up front and the judge is talking, and so the thing that my lawyer was saying was okay, what we want to hear, the words we need to hear, is suspended sentence, which means probation. And I was like, okay, let’s focus in on that. Suspended sentence, suspended sentence. And I’m hearing the judge and I’m, I’m, I’m. He’s asking me questions, so I’m replying to him, but I’m like honed in on that, and so he’s going, going, going and he says you know, he’s reprimanding me like no other. You know, he is giving me like the third degree, the fourth degree, the fifth degree, and I’m getting, I’m taking it. I understand, I understand taking, you know, my, my beatings. And he says I, I remand you, starting today, to stay present.

Amber Annette: 18:30

The state prison.

Cat Coley: 18:31

And I was like I’m sorry, did he say state prison? And my lawyer was like just writing. And I was like what’s happening? And I could hear the buzz of the courtroom and I’m like, ok, what’s happening, what’s happening? And I’m just like what’s going on? And then I see I’d seen, prior to the judge, kind of reprimanding me, the bailiff. I will never forget this again, but there’s moments that you never forget. I’d see the bailiff. He left the judge’s side and walked all the way around, not realizing that he was standing right behind me. And so I’m standing there and as the judge gives you the sentence, and it was 19 to 48 months in state prison, and the bailiff, it was all happening. There was too many things happening at once. And the bailiff behind me was like drop your purse. And I was like I’m sorry, what? Because I was holding my purse and he’s like drop your purse. And I said why? And he said drop your purse. And so I dropped my purse, he grabbed both my hands and handcuffed me right in court. And I’m looking at my lawyer going what is happening? And he’s like I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry. And I was like what is happening? I’m like you’re not telling me. All you’re saying is sorry, what’s happening? And he’s like I’m so sorry, I didn’t think this was going to happen. I’m so sorry, and I was like what’s happening? He’s like you’re going to prison and I’m like I’m going to prison and he’s like yes, and then at that point the judge banged his gavel and they went on to the next case. The whole room exited, everyone is staring at me, I’m led to the back of the courtroom to sit down and handcuff and my purse is still up there and I’m like my purse and my lawyer is walking away and I’m like what is happening? I don’t understand. And so those same exact people, the same people that was on the other side of this I was smiling at, was smiling at me now as they’re walking out the courtroom, knowing that I’m going to prison, and which is what they had wanted from the beginning. So the lawyer left, my lawyer left and I said call my husband. And he’s like what’s his number? And I’m like I don’t know. I don’t know. I was like at the time I was like I don’t know, just in shock, and I was just like, yeah, I was just in utter shock, and so the whole courtroom. So after mine there was like one or two more cases and then the whole room is recessed and I’m the only person left in there. So all the other people that had come in from the jail, who were going there, who were getting in front of the judge for their case, they were all lit back. Everyone on the prosecuting side of things all left, the judge left, Everyone left. I am the only person in there and, I kid you not, when I thought I’m being pumped I was like this is a joke, they’re trying to teach me a lesson.

Amber Annette: 21:25

I remember just thinking they’re going, it just didn’t set in it.

Cat Coley: 21:28

Just nothing had set in, because everything was just a fog. And I think I really thought, if I walked out the back door, like would anyone stop me? What would happen? And I really considered it. I really considered going one to say did you all forget me? Or two, to say this is all a joke, and before, thank goodness I could make that decision, because I really was thinking about it. I can’t see why the bailiff came back and he grabbed me, grabbed my purse, and then we walked out the side door that led to the jail, which is funny. It’s like a whole other world back there, like it’s like behind the cloak. You walk into those side doors and it’s a whole other world. And that started the nightmare for me. I was in jail and then I went straight to maximum prison and I remember the bailiff saying he already knew. I think they already know. They know because they know what the judge’s decision is going to be, so they could prepare. He’s like, yeah, I’m sorry, because that’s the reason why he walked all the way around behind me before the judge could say in case I bolted or something. And so he said, yeah, he’s like you know, you know. But the good thing is that you’re only going to be here for 19 months. He’s like I would think 19 months, I was like 19 months and at the time, 19 months ended like 19 years and he’s like, yeah, he goes. Oh, yeah, he’s like, yeah, that’s the minimum you have to stay. And in my heart it’s just I, you know. So I went through all the things.

Amber Annette: 23:07

So were you like crying Were you just like in shock.

Cat Coley: 23:10

I was in complete shock. I was in complete shock. I was then taken to the jail. I was booked, I was mugshot, I was fingerprinted, I the whole bit. Then I got my phone call you do get the phone call and I called my husband and he at that point had somehow the lawyer had called him I don’t know how he found his number, but I might have given it to him at some point and reassuring me that we were going to get another judge, we were going to get a different trial, we were going to get this appeal, we were going to do everything. And so I literally walked in to court and did not walk out until 19 months later. I went to jail. I was there for a few weeks. I was transferred to high, to maximum security. I was there for three months and then you get kind of repositioned or they place you in different places depending on what level of crime you have. But because Nevada doesn’t have a medium level security, you have to kind of go through the system. So you have to go through the maximum security, which is a whole other story in it itself. And then I was transferred from maximum security to kind of at a camp level and then to a work release community where I was able to work but I had to take public transportation, could have access to electronics or tech. Obviously you couldn’t see family or friends, but I lived in a facility where they housed both men and women, but it was at a community level. So that was 19 months of my life and the whole time I was apart from my daughter, I was apart from my husband and I did everything I could to get out at 19 months. So my sentence was 19 to 48 months. I could have been gone any time in between. I had to go in front of the parole board, state my case, that I was regretful and all the things, and then they decided if I would leave at 19 months and they don’t tell you that until very, very close to the 19 months if you’re approved or not. So I was like and then I left Fingers crossed, fingers crossed. To the day. So I came home after I’d gone through that ordeal, came home and wanted just to get back to my life, get back to my family, get back to my daughter, get back to my just what I life as I knew it. And unfortunately, life as I knew it had changed completely. So my partner, my ex-husband now, we got on very, very well. But I had no idea, I did not realize that he had moved on to a different relationship while I was away. And so I came home and the day after I came home he asked where it was and I was still kind of in this shock of this whole thing. Our friends had thrown us a party and it was just a very surreal. It was very surreal to be there with my daughter, who I didn’t see very often while I was away, and my husband, who might as well been a stranger at that time because we were just so far apart and the vet that he wanted a divorce and so trying to pretend that I was happy and excited to be home while kind of having to internally deal with all these things, it was a lot. And so I came home from this ordeal. It felt like I’d left for in prison and just kind of walked into another, because I came home I had nothing. I had no. I had no job. I’d have a place to live. I had no money. I’d have husband. What I had was a daughter and that was all I knew. And so that was the only thing that really kept me going while I was away, because I felt my husband and I obviously the distance between us. But my light was two things my daughter and my sister. Those were the two things that were keeping me really truly alive and going and being able to go. Okay, I can do one more day. Okay, I can do one more day. Because there you, just you take it day by day. I mean, it really is that. So I came home and I was fortunate enough to still have some connections and I was able to find a job. But little by little, there is this thing inside of me that kept wondering why I’d gone through the things I’d gone through just to go through it, Like I felt like I didn’t go through that just to go through it. But there was also these outside influences and voices around me family and friends that were like just go on, get on with your life. Just, you know, see this under the rug, never speak about it again. You’ve paid your debt to society, move on More. So my family, because I can imagine you know the amount of shame and embarrassment that this brought onto them my parents especially and they were just like just move on with your life and if it’s not gonna be with your ex, then move on, which is obviously much harder to do than it is to say. So I started a new job and going kind of back to what I was doing, but at a smaller scale, but there was this fire inside of me and I felt like I needed to get this out of me, this story, at the very least. So I did start seeing a therapist, but then I kept going okay, what else? Now I’ve gone through that, like I understand all those reasons and I understood, you know, the importance of having someone to speak to, but I was just like, but what else? So I started speaking to a small group of women that I had met through my job, and a lot of them were women entrepreneurs. The funny thing was and I’d never even tapped into that world just because I was a corporate girl for so long and one of them, you know, asked me to share my story in her small group, that people she met, that she met with regularly. And so the first time I shared this story, I wasn’t sharing it like this, believe me, I was. You know, I could barely get through it Because I was just, you know, still unboxing everything and you know, and dealing with things as they came and it took me so long to get to, you know, even to say I went to prison Like I would like I would war like I. Now I start my story with that versus this, where I would be, like you know, five hours later to get to that part. So I started sharing in those small groups and then the amazing thing happened was because it me sharing and being vulnerable and being open as much as I could at the time really gave other women permission to start sharing their stories with me. And that’s when this little at the time, I didn’t, I had no idea that this was even a thing, and I just was sharing and they were sharing with me. And then we were finding ourselves in these small, really safe places to share and I, you know, I got braver and braver, as did the group of people that I was with, and then from there they asked me to bring you know, they asked me to speak to another, and then that’s kind of how this whole thing really began and it started. And then I was still doing the job and I was kind of at this crossroads again and I was like, okay, it feels like I’m being pulled this way, but I don’t know what this way is. I don’t even know what the heck this is. I have no idea what this world would even look like or it does look like, or if it’s even a thing, but it just feels like I am being pulled there. But I also have a daughter and I have, you know, I need to roof over her head, I need, you know, all the necessities in life. I’ve got some, you know, I’ve got, I’ve had responsibilities, and so I was like, okay, how long could I do this for you know, separately? And then the universe answered and I got pulled into HR on a. Friday afternoon. Oh gosh, on a Friday afternoon to let me know that my position was being eliminated because the company wasn’t doing as well and I was last in, first out. And so I was like, okay, I could either look at this and be like holy crap and freak out and part of me of course did or I could look at this as saying, okay, like this is, this is the answer. I maybe didn’t want to, I would want to give myself, but the universe is like you’re overly too scared, you’re too scared, we’ll do it for you. And so this is where the birth of what I had you know where, this, what I do now, started. This is it. So I then started to speak about and just share my story, but also combine that with the 20 plus years that I had in corporate world, which is marketing and system and sales. And so it just kind of happened to be that I pulled from my experience and my expertise, but then started to pull from what I have brought myself from, from the several layers of rock bottom. I always say that, but the book that I’m gonna write is gonna say that. You know, I had no idea my rock bottom had a basement and a sub basement and a garage and a storage facility, cause that’s basically where I was like finding myself each and every time I thought I was at rock bottom and then I hit somewhere lower, I’d hit somewhere lower, I’d hit somewhere lower, but I found ways to bounce back and that’s where my podcast started from, which is bounce back like a badass. And my business came from and it’s just about sharing our stories and really sharing it, but owning it. I have a lot of regret about my stories, a lot. I am not. I don’t look at it, as you know, as I don’t wear it as a badge of honor, but I know that without it I would not be here. So it is a part of me, regardless of if you know. Of course I regret it. I’m ashamed of the things and embarrassed of the things that I mistakes that I’ve made, but I am proud of where it has taken and that is where I help my clients do as well. I loved you the first time.

Amber Annette: 33:06

I met you. I love you even more now. You’ve literally just become one of my favorite human beings. Aw, thank you. And I remember like I have thought of you so many times since our first interaction. Kat and I’m just you know, I’ve heard you say a couple of times you’ve used the word safe, but my gosh, to do what you have done has taken so much bravery and I just I’m really inspired by you and it takes a lot from me To be inspired by people. I mean to just pick up and to bounce back like a badass is I mean, and I’ll. I remember when you said that to me before. You know, rock bottom has seven layers and I have thought about that a few times. So I mean, just in all you know, for telling stories and for being raw, I mean, obviously I have to stay in alignment here and be vulnerable. Today, if I’m gonna host you on my podcast, I’m in the middle of a divorce right now, and there are these moments where I’m like, okay, this is it, this is what Kat said, this is this has got to be the seventh layer, this has got to be it right here, it can’t go deeper. And then boom, you know so, boom it just, nope, just kidding. There’s the. That was just layer three, you know, or whatever, but I love it. I love the analogy of that and I mean I could have you probably five more episodes to ask you so many questions. I have a couple and the one that like really hits me the most, I think, is, as you are telling the beginning of your story and you’re talking about having the secret. Was there ever a point that you felt relief when it was out in the open? Were you just like I don’t have to harbor this anymore, like at that? At what point did you ever have you ever got to experience relief from this?

Cat Coley: 35:10

The moment it happened. I will tell you the moment that I maybe not necessarily that moment, sitting in HR, but shortly thereafter, and I looked, I’ve always looked at this and people have always asked me like, do you hate or not like? Or the person Because she revealed? Ultimately, regardless if she did that at that point, or it would have been months later, when the investigation, I’m certain, went into all of us Because when there’s one, there’s possibly many and the investigation wasn’t going to stop with her I always say no, hate her. No, no, by any means I don’t hate her. She was doing what she probably thought she needed to do to survive herself. I said, but no, I said she gave me my freedom. Really, truly, I didn’t, you know, obviously, for 19 months I didn’t have it, but truly, she gave me the freedom because I wasn’t brave enough or didn’t have the courage to do it myself. And she did. She did it for me, which is, you know, courageous in a different way, just in a different way. But no, she believed me. So, absolutely, I thought about it, you know, maybe not in the midst of finding lawyers and all of those things, but from the get go, she really, it was a lot. I was scared a lot and so it was, you know, a catch 22, because I was, I did well in my job, I did really, really well in my job. But I also had such this big, big secret and it always felt like for me, all of the accolades I would get, you know, I didn’t deserve, because I knew deep down that I was doing something terrible behind it. So it was just these double-edged swords. So, yeah, absolutely I, from the get go. I praise her for doing what she did.

Amber Annette: 37:18

And you know, I think that the next thing that comes in for me is, you know, I take, I guess, maybe pride and not worrying about what other people think about me a lot. You know, if I have an idea, I put it out. If I, you know, have an opinion. It’s not like I’m like in people’s faces or get confrontational about things like, but I don’t really concern myself too much with what people’s opinions are. I don’t really have any opinions of army, but I’m putting myself in your shoes and thinking about how these decisions from how long ago was it now?

Cat Coley: 38:01

Oh gosh. Well, from in my early 20s, when it first started, I’m in my 40s now, so 20 years ago, and I’m in my 40s now.

Amber Annette: 38:11

So how do you move through life not thinking that this is still affecting you you know what I mean Like or thinking that people are making decisions about who you are now based off of things you’ve done in your past. How do you keep moving forward not caring about that? Oh, I still care.

Cat Coley: 38:32

I am a people pleaser at heart and so it’s still very innate in me and it is something I have to work through and I know that about myself. I didn’t necessarily know that about myself going into this, into business, until I started to reveal more and more about me and I started to really care about the way in which I said it with depending on who was in the audience, and that’s when I started to realize, okay, I am maybe trying to sugarcoat this or maybe I’m trying to not layer it on so thick, depending on who’s here because and I kept on asking myself why I would do that and the answer is because I care about what they think about me and so it’s difficult to put you know your dirty laundry out there and see him as if I wear as a badge of honor and again, I remind people I don’t, but it is a part of me but to also not care about how they make their decisions, about if they’re going to be working with me, if they trust me. So I am very, very upfront with my story and I find that to be something that maybe not necessarily I did in the very beginning, because the forward facing part of my business was more systems and sales, and then I would kind of layer back in the story and this is kind of the competition we had when we first. That I I’m going back to the origins of why I started my business, because it kind of it pivoted because more and more clients were coming from the marketing side of things, which I was fine with, but it wasn’t really where my heart was at. And so pivoting back from our conversation in that way has led me to and I’ve always been very upfront with this story, but even more so now if it doesn’t align with your values and all the things, then there is probably no reason why we need to go on and I need to be okay with that. You make that decision. That is your prerogative. So I’m still very sensitive to answer your question. I still am very, very sensitive to that but also the fact that I have finally told the person in my life that’s the most important person to me about all of this, which is my daughter. So she was barely one when I left and I’ve been wanting to tell her the story of what I had done and why. There are bits and pieces and questions that she may have and things that I can’t answer for her, like her first word when she first started walking her for all the first I missed. I missed all of those. And her dad was in the midst of being a Zidgo parent, so it’s not like he was writing any of these things down. And so I, when she’s asked me in the past, I’ve always, you know, just kind of skirted around it, or I would say data, because I would assume that’s what it was, because that’s who was there. But I’ve I’ve finally been able to sit down and talk to her about this, and so that was the, the conversation that I was looking forward to the most and the one that I was most scared of to have. I was excited when she was young, but as she grew older and I started thinking she’s going to form opinions about me and who I am and how I got here, I started to get really scared and I started to put off the conversation more and more. I said I would do it when she was nine, then when she was 10, and then now she’s 11. And so I did it just really when she turned 11. But in that sense that that her opinion is the one that matters the most to me, and I know she’ll. You know, at the moment everything is okay, but I know how this works. I know she will probably be in therapy somewhere and I’m okay with that and I hope that that’s where she goes, but that that’s really the opinion that matters most to me and everyone else doesn’t really matter. But it’s something that I have to remind myself because I really love it when people like me. I that’s just, you know part of the, it’s a part of my DNA, and when they find out about my story and you know they back away or you know it does hit me, it does and I had to have like have that roll off my shoulder. Yeah, for sure it still. It’s very concerning.

Amber Annette: 42:50

So, in true the business psychic fashion, I’m going to kind of blend a little bit of like some ideas that are coming to me as you’re talking, some things that have come through, and I don’t know that we’re going to call this necessarily a business reading, but the first thing that comes to me is post traumatic story disorder, because I was like, oh yeah, as you’re talking, it makes me know. Of course we have very different stories, right, but I could feel the hesitancy rising up in me as I think about when I was younger, having to explain and tell people how I was, you know, 15 and had a two year old because I had my daughter. You know, when I was, I had just turned 14, I got pregnant when I was 13. And I experienced so much embarrassment and shame and judgment and every single time I would tell somebody my age and they would be like, oh, they would just give me this reaction. This like yes, like, oh my God. I know that reaction Right, Right, and so I, even to this day now my daughter is 28, is the most amazing human being on this planet, is one of my best friends. We are incredibly close.

Cat Coley: 44:26

I can imagine how close you guys are.

Amber Annette: 44:28

Oh my gosh, I’m so incredibly proud of her Business owner, successful, married, about to have, you know, start trying to get pregnant, all the things. And even to this day with that, when I tell people like new people like that I haven’t met before, I’ll be like oh yeah, this is my daughter, she’s 28. What you have, a 20. It’s just like that. It causes like physical reaction and it brings you back, doesn’t it? It brings me back to like being, yeah, like 14 years old and like people just like, oh, I’m so happy, oh, it was awful. I in fact, for a long time I lied about my age. I would lie to be older so that people wouldn’t put two and two together, or I would void conversations completely about like I didn’t get to graduate high school because I had two kids before I was even 18, you know. So as I’m listening to your story, I kept feeling this post traumatic story disorder come forward and I feel like that’s not mine to bring to the world, but that idea is for you to bring into the world, the concept of that. I can’t imagine how many women out there like it brings tears to my eyes, cat like how many women and men doesn’t doesn’t even have to be. Just how many people out there have this like post traumatic story disorder? And yet it’s that story that’s going to heal them. It’s that story that’s going to heal others or inspire others or move or motivate others. So I just feel like do something with that, please Like. It’s just so much power behind that.

Cat Coley: 46:02

I think when you, when I was saying earlier I think you nodded when I said that when I shared my story, as scared as I was, is it gave people permission to start to share theirs that I would get pulled off stages and I would. You know, people would tell me about. You know the traumas that they’ve been through or they’re currently going through. You know there’s one woman who told me that she was at the moment, at that moment, attending this conference. She was homeless and living in a homeless shelter with her son and she was starting to get trying to get her business going. And she has, and we work, and they’re working together and she has and she’s done amazing, but but it’s just. I think it just is a safe place to land. Not that you’re comparing traumas by any means, like yeah no it’s not that it’s like oh, your trauma is, you know, more than mine, less than mine, greater, whatever it is, it’s just that like it just gives you trauma.

Amber Annette: 47:03

Trumping yeah, exactly, exactly. Is that one to trauma? I like that.

Cat Coley: 47:12

I’m writing these down, as you can tell, but it just gives you just a space to say, okay, like I can share this, it’s okay to share this. And it just takes the weight off in the same sense that when I started to share in the spaces that allowed me to share the bits and pieces that I could put together of my story, because it was so difficult to put together at the time that it was just like I would walk away feeling just even just tiny bit lighter that I didn’t have to hold onto these stories, that I didn’t have to keep it inside and I didn’t have to lie, because people would always ask like, where did you go for a year and a half? And I’d be like, well, you know, just because I was so ashamed of telling them all of it, because if I told one bit of that story I had to tell it all right, I just can’t say I was in prison, okay for what? But I was away, okay for what? Or I was getting a divorce. They’re like, oh my God, the last time we saw you, you guys were like having a baby and what happened. And I’m just like, well, where do I start this? story, and so it just felt just bits and pieces of my life just needed to be shared, just so that I could breathe. Yeah, and the post-traumatic story disorder speaks a lot into that, and I know you. Thank you for sharing what you’re going through right now. I remember I was going through this and a friend of mine who’s still a good friend of mine whom I met while I was in prison we had very similar background, very similar stories, she and I, and she and I went through the exact same thing. We went through the same process together and literally almost at the same time, and so there’s no one I can talk to about what I went through other than her. We just say one word and we get it, you just know. And so I remember looking at her one time as I was realizing that my husband was pulling away or that his tone had changed. It was towards the end of my stay, while I was away and I looked at her and I said you know, I’ll never be happy again. And she says she told me to the cat. I’m going to remind you of this moment when you are happy, and I will remind you of it because you will. But I understand, I understand at the moment it doesn’t feel like it, but I will remind you. And so now she is happy and lives in the East Coast now and I will post photos of myself, my daughter or my partner, just, or just me happy, just, and she will just send me just, and, you know, just text me and she’ll say remember, and I will always go back. And I always say I remember, because at the time it seemed like I would never be happy, it seemed like literally the end of the world, and I have had thousands of amazing moments between that time and where I’m at right now. So it sucks. Oh, I’ve gone to divorce twice and it sucks, it’s, there’s no other way to put it than it sucks, regardless if there is still love there. If there is no love there, if there is, whatever it may be, it sucks in every sense of the word. But there will, there will be happy moments. Yeah, I will be. Thank you for that absolutely I.

Amber Annette: 50:52

I Am once again like I’m speechless. Thank you so much. You are so much for being so open and so real and so honest. I just there’s just something about you and I Know you might like there’s just so much more to you for you. I really get that sense like I feel like your mission is just kind of starting with this. I really do. I feel like just not enough people have heard your story to want to you know, be in your space and and learn from you and grow from you. And as much as you might be great at marketing and sales, your gift is storytelling and I think not just the way that you tell the story but your ability to get other people to feel brave, to share their story, not to feel safe, feel brave. So thank you so much for being here. Thank you in in true, in true, like the. I know we didn’t get, we didn’t have a lot of time for a business reading, but I Love to end all of my shows with you know my signature question and I feel I’ve kind of felt something a little bit during this entire call. So I would love to connect you. If there is somebody in spirit Whether it be a past loved one, anybody at all that you could connect with and receive a message from, who would that be?

Cat Coley: 52:19

No, I’ve been fortunate to not have lost Anyone really incredibly close to me, thank goodness. But you know what my nephew, who I never met, my brother’s son Past when he was very, very long when he was, he was quite little, correct.

Amber Annette: 52:49

He was very little like a baby, almost, yeah. And what’s interesting about this is the message is more for. The message is more for your family, versus just for you, me and the Question has always been why, like? Why did this happen? Why did we have to lose him? Why did our family experience this? Why did like? Has that question been like really heavy of why?

Cat Coley: 53:21

and.

Amber Annette: 53:24

He was sick, I was gonna, I was gonna ask a few like I don’t know if it was like a Cancer or something like if he was in the hospital.

Cat Coley: 53:33

I see him in the hospital. He was in hospital, yeah, a lot.

Amber Annette: 53:38

He was in the hospital a lot, or he’s hard and and it just it feels like the level of love that was unlocked in your family came from him. It feels like this Bond that was created. I’m not sure if this is like your brother and his wife, so this little boy’s mom, but I just see like a new level of like love come forward between the two of them, even though it was hard. And love doesn’t always mean like Sometimes, as you probably, as you know like sometimes Loving somebody means, you know, not staying, sometimes loving somebody Letting go. Yeah, and I think that that was his gift to your family was learning that love is Love. So he’s just kind of showing me that there’s lots of like Maybe the word I feel like he’s kind of saying like your family has a lot of Expectations and wants things to look a very certain way and be a very certain way and and when they don’t fit and conform to those boxes man thing that can get that can make some people, maybe like your mom or your dad, uncomfortable. And there were certain things about he’s saying your story and his story that are breaking those boxes and I’m meant to break those boxes for a reason, because it’s just about Unconditional love, and unconditional love doesn’t look a certain way for anybody.

Cat Coley: 55:24

Wow, thank you.

Amber Annette: 55:27

Thank you, I also feel like. I Also feel like did they have another baby after that?

Cat Coley: 55:39

He has. He has a stepson, but no, that was his only. That’s his only Biological child.

Amber Annette: 55:46

Have there been any babies inside of your family that have come after his passing? My daughter, oh, I feel that okay. So there are certain aspects of him that have come through in your daughter. Oh, and I Trust those tears that you’re having in this moment for a reason. What was interesting was when you said you never met him. I was like cash, that doesn’t. I was like that doesn’t, that’s. The human in me was like that doesn’t match, because I see him and you together, but it’s through your daughter, trust those tears. Well, now I’m crying. I hope our listeners are crying. This is I dropped my Cat I’m so grateful for this episode and For you sharing your story and to our audience. Oh man, take this, take this into the world and I want you to go tell your story. I want you to be brave the way that cat was here with us today and I hope that this inspires you and drives you, and you can find out all kinds of information About cat if you go to the show notes. We’re gonna have a way for you to actually connect with her book a call with her and Cannot wait to hear your feedback about this podcast. So until next time, go be in your magic. Thanks for listening to this episode. I hope it inspired and ignited your entrepreneurial spirit and turned up your intuition and trust in the universe. Make sure to check out the show notes section for access to my transformation suite. Oh of free resources, tools and content to help you grow your business while staying true to your soul’s purpose. Until next week, go make some business magic soul sister.